There is certain way the wind in the desert blows that makes me think of you. The smell of your breath like glowing embers from a distant dream. I have tried to banish you away from my memory but you lurk like a shadow and everywhere I go leaves a strong reminder of you. I can hear your voice in my sleep, urgent and breathless, and I feel myself falling in the rabbit hole again. I would wake up with a start, slumber would slowly escape me and I ended up counting the cobwebs again while trees grow on my pillows.
Winter is here to stay for a while and once again, I am engulfed by the season of sadness, waking up on cold, clear mornings with a pounding in my chest, a faint chant of 'this too shall pass'. I avoid staring at the bathroom mirror while the mist from the shower clears as I will see you standing behind me like you used to do whilst I brush my teeth. Your cola brown eyes looking into my coal black ones. And you softly, playfully bit my bare shoulder, leaving teeth marks.
I was your tornado and you were my hurricane, but now, I am barely a summer breeze. Barely pulsating, just a hollow, empty, obscure nothingness. I longed to be beautiful and violent again, longing to destroy and devour. You love me better when I am not in control.