Insomnia is back with a vengeance. This has been a tough week, yet I cannot force myself to take a reprieve from the roller coaster ride I placed myself recently. I walked and talked and deal with everything with a sense of normalcy it is almost controlling. Nothing changed in the facade I am wearing, I guess I am pretty good at this. However, the dreams are haunting me, silent nightmares inhabit my nocturnes and it is by daybreak that I can find peace. I started to smoke more than the usual, and started to succumb in my dark days again. If only I could have the courage to popped several sleeping pills to put my mind and body to rest, I would have done that. I had the urge to submerged myself in the bathtub and hold my breath for as long as I can take it.
Last weekend, I was getting ready to hit my yoga class and I was brushing my teeth when my gums started to bleed. I washed my mouth several times but the bleeding continued. I push my fingers on the wounded area to stop the flow of blood, yet it did not. I was almost panicking, squeezing a towel in my mouth, yet it did not stop. I grew weak by the sight of blood and gore and I feel faint and I just lay on the bathroom tiles in a fetal position wishing to die to stop the bleeding.
Well, I am alive, and my yoga class was cancelled. I still can't sleep.
